Note: These are fake!
Titles: Faux Obits, Rigor Mortis, Nefarious Necrology, Pre-Mortem, Ante Mortem
Jacqueline Dawn Hill
Jackie was born in the back of a van, May 6th, 1992. Last Tuesday, Jackie died unexpectedly while dining on a steak with mushrooms at a Ritz Carlton Hotel. After an intense investigation into the cause of death, the chef revealed that the hotel had tried a new line of produce that accidentally included tainted mushrooms. Following the trail further, the farmer that grew the fungus admitted to using manure from a bovine with mad cow disease. Jackie’s favorite hobby was collecting rare rocks and garden gnomes. Left in a diary to be read at her funeral, Jackie revealed that she had an unfulfilled fetish for tackling people. Her family mourns the loss of a bright, caring, and crazy child.
Dezarae Monique Avalos
Born January 8th, 1992, Dezarae was brought into this world with a tail that was removed eight days after birth. The 1st of December, Dezarae broke her neck and died while sledding down Crystal Lake Hill. Dezarae was accompanied by Brooke Schumann, the only witness to the incident, who used her cell phone to call 911 at the time of the tragedy. At first, the police expected foul play, but later evidence revealed Brooke’s innocence. The body will be transported to Texas where a large cremation ceremony will take place. According to her wishes, Dezarae’s remains will be released into the Gulf of Mexico.
Natalie Brooke Guse
While her parent where staying at a Motel Six, Natalie was born September 23, 1991. Sadly, this Thanksgiving, Dick Cheney shot Naddy while she was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods. Wearing a brown coat with rabbit fur, Dick Cheney misinterpreted Naddy for a doe and fired three rounds. As to the reason for her presence in the forest, it was later revealed that she was running away from home. Her parents had threatened to lock her in the basement for a month if she did not improve her grades. Naddy will be sadly missed by her thirty three goldfish, three pet parrots and devoted family.
Titles: Faux Obits, Rigor Mortis, Nefarious Necrology, Pre-Mortem, Ante Mortem
Jacqueline Dawn Hill
Jackie was born in the back of a van, May 6th, 1992. Last Tuesday, Jackie died unexpectedly while dining on a steak with mushrooms at a Ritz Carlton Hotel. After an intense investigation into the cause of death, the chef revealed that the hotel had tried a new line of produce that accidentally included tainted mushrooms. Following the trail further, the farmer that grew the fungus admitted to using manure from a bovine with mad cow disease. Jackie’s favorite hobby was collecting rare rocks and garden gnomes. Left in a diary to be read at her funeral, Jackie revealed that she had an unfulfilled fetish for tackling people. Her family mourns the loss of a bright, caring, and crazy child.
Dezarae Monique Avalos
Born January 8th, 1992, Dezarae was brought into this world with a tail that was removed eight days after birth. The 1st of December, Dezarae broke her neck and died while sledding down Crystal Lake Hill. Dezarae was accompanied by Brooke Schumann, the only witness to the incident, who used her cell phone to call 911 at the time of the tragedy. At first, the police expected foul play, but later evidence revealed Brooke’s innocence. The body will be transported to Texas where a large cremation ceremony will take place. According to her wishes, Dezarae’s remains will be released into the Gulf of Mexico.
Natalie Brooke Guse
While her parent where staying at a Motel Six, Natalie was born September 23, 1991. Sadly, this Thanksgiving, Dick Cheney shot Naddy while she was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods. Wearing a brown coat with rabbit fur, Dick Cheney misinterpreted Naddy for a doe and fired three rounds. As to the reason for her presence in the forest, it was later revealed that she was running away from home. Her parents had threatened to lock her in the basement for a month if she did not improve her grades. Naddy will be sadly missed by her thirty three goldfish, three pet parrots and devoted family.
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